Here’s the story.
I found myself wanting to “self-improve” once again. Enrolling in a course geared toward women who wanted to excel in online marketing. Aptly entitled Rich, Hot and Happy.
( Not the exact title, but you get the drift. Also, as an aside, the real course itself is totally worth it. )
Okay , so I really wanted to feel like I am this kind of awesome woman. This online entrepreneurial dynamo.
The women who created the course were. My fellow participants seemed to be.
Such incredible, inspirational young women who wanted to make money AND a difference in the world. This wasn’t just about learning killer online marketing. This was also about providing service and showing up more authentically. Learning how to create profit and face our issues about money. How and what worthwhile service and value we could provide to potential customers. Including all the technical stuff a web; social media driven business entails.
This was new terrritory for me, especially since I’m not a twenty-something.
As I went further into the course and what it meant to show up authentically,
a gradual transformation began to happen.
Instead of feeling Rich, Hot and Happy, I began feeling Poor, Ugly and Depressed.
This part of me , let’s call her “PUD”, became paralyzed with fear. How the hell was I going to do this? Who was I anyway?
The more incredible information I received, the more confused I got. Until I just rolled into a ball and shut down.
I’d been here before. I felt dumb ( a lot of this was new information ). Everyone was very supportive of each other. So many of the women just seemed to have a better grasp of what to do. And they were taking action! I wasn’t even sure where to begin. I needed to be creative and innovative. Instead, I felt worthless and lost.
I was “Pud”.
Here’s where the story changes.
In the past , I might have beat myself up for feeling this way. Running away from “Pud” and denying her , while convincing myself the “real” me is Rich, Hot and Happy.
But this time, instead of turning away from her, I turned towards her.
Instead of demanding she conform to my outer “RHH” world,
I went within and I entered hers.
Instead of judging her, I embraced her.
And instead of forcing her to take leaps, I asked how she felt about taking steps. Small steps. That would eventually take us where we wanted to go. Immediately , I felt “Pud” begin to relax.
“I can do that “, she said.
But would her small steps make any difference. They weren’t as important as those giant “quantum” leaps .
I told her yes, her small steps had as much value as any leap. In fact, we couldn’t truly leap without them.