Is Your Need To Belong Killing “You” ?

We all know the feeling of wanting to belong and not be isolated.

It’s a necessity. Human beings need a sense of acceptance, within a group or community.

As children, we will morph ourselves into whatever pleases our parents the most. We continue this morphing process with any group we want to belong to.

Imagine the shock, when the parents we are working so hard to please, get upset with us! As children, we don’t see the inner issues driving our parents to be critical and shaming.

“No,” the child thinks ” It must be me. There must be something wrong with me.”

Creep (Radiohead) – Scala & Kolacny Brothers from Alex Heller on Vimeo.

This underlying belief, causes us to feel we need to fix whatever is wrong with us.  If we “fix” us, we can fix them. Never be rejected or abandoned. Never be bullied. Perfect.

It’s a destination you never reach.

As this disturbing, yet wonderful video portrays so well.

It doesn’t work. Sure, maybe our arms aren’t physically being torn off.  But cruel words and being “shut-out” are just as painful and debilitating.

The fact is, there is nothing “wrong” with us.

We just weren’t allowed to be who we truly are and express our true nature. We became someone else. This becomes a problem, as we start identifying with this false self and believing this is who we truly are. 

That’s when we go into battle with ourselves. Because eventually, our real self tries to emerge, and we feel the discomfort of being different.

Like the doll, we don’t want to feel the pain of being excluded.

We try to be someone else and we feel the pain of that instead. The feeling of boredom, agitation, less than or better than. Never enough. 

In the new paradigm of self-help, it is becomes more about self-alignment.

Discovering who you really are is the quest here. Getting beyond the beliefs of who you think you are, and re-aligning with your True Self and your True Nature.


Pat Novak is an Intuitive Counselor, Founder of True Nature Concepts and creator of  The Alignment Code.