Is Your Need To Belong Killing “You” ?

We all know the feeling of wanting to belong and not be isolated.

It’s a necessity. Human beings need a sense of acceptance, within a group or community.

As children, we will morph ourselves into whatever pleases our parents the most. We continue this morphing process with any group we want to belong to.

Imagine the shock, when the parents we are working so hard to please, get upset with us! As children, we don’t see the inner issues driving our parents to be critical and shaming.

“No,” the child thinks ” It must be me. There must be something wrong with me.”

Creep (Radiohead) – Scala & Kolacny Brothers from Alex Heller on Vimeo.

This underlying belief, causes us to feel we need to fix whatever is wrong with us.  If we “fix” us, we can fix them. Never be rejected or abandoned. Never be bullied. Perfect.

It’s a destination you never reach.

As this disturbing, yet wonderful video portrays so well.

It doesn’t work. Sure, maybe our arms aren’t physically being torn off.  But cruel words and being “shut-out” are just as painful and debilitating.

The fact is, there is nothing “wrong” with us.

We just weren’t allowed to be who we truly are and express our true nature. We became someone else. This becomes a problem, as we start identifying with this false self and believing this is who we truly are. 

That’s when we go into battle with ourselves. Because eventually, our real self tries to emerge, and we feel the discomfort of being different.

Like the doll, we don’t want to feel the pain of being excluded.

We try to be someone else and we feel the pain of that instead. The feeling of boredom, agitation, less than or better than. Never enough. 

In the new paradigm of self-help, it is becomes more about self-alignment.

Discovering who you really are is the quest here. Getting beyond the beliefs of who you think you are, and re-aligning with your True Self and your True Nature.


Pat Novak is an Intuitive Counselor, Founder of True Nature Concepts and creator of  The Alignment Code.


Life Was Never Meant To Be This Painful


Life was never meant to be this painful.When I first heard this, I knew in my soul it was true. And I had to find the answer to why my life had been so painful.

The full quote is, “Life was never meant to be this painful or this difficult.”

I truly believe this.  I know many of us want to believe this as well. But our lives and the world around us, doesn’t generally reflect this belief.  In fact,  most of the time, it reflects the exact opposite.

Most lives are filled with pain and difficulty. Hell, isn’t all this struggle and hardship the human condition? Aren’t we suppose to be learning our life lessons this way?

You know, ” The strongest steel goes through the hottest fire”.

I believe we need our challenges, but all this pain?

No, it doesn’t sit right with me anymore. Something is wrong in this equation. And I believe strongly, we need to look pain and struggle straight in the eye and question it.

There may have been a time when the only way to learn our lessons was through hardship.

I believe that time is over.

Maybe, if we’re willing, we can learn the same lessons through joy ! ((horrors)  I know, the thought of joyful living frightens me. I’m so use to the struggle.  And that’s my point.

I don’t believe in it anymore.

So it’s time to give it up.

And it will be hard.

Because I’ve been so damn good at it!

It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude. – Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

The world is powered by passionate people, powerful ideas, and fearless action. What’s one strong belief you possess that isn’t shared by your closest friends or family? What inspires this belief, and what have you done to actively live it?